What are these rumors from afar I hear? Rumblings below, like bowels about to pass gas. My minions! Not only do you grow flaccid, but you have grown foolish beyond imagination. Some of you actually think you are supposed to accomplish something.
Oh my minions! Useless are you, for that is your job! To obstruct! Perchance to tell some lies. Yes, that's the way we like it.
You say some of the proftards are lying, cheating scum? Some of them couldn't pass the classes that they themselves teach? Some of the proftards appreciate a good ass kissing too much? Methinks this description - it is perhaps a bit lacking in pith, but 'twill serve. Ah, but they bring in money for our beloved UC. And this makes their odious ways beloved to my minions.
Did a proftard submit manuscripts with data manufactured out of whole cloth? Pish. Did one of those pain in the ass gradtards turn them in? Pish and tush. For we shall lose all record of it, and our minds shall be as newborn babes! Blank did we arrive in this world and blank do we become as we rise into the ethereal heights of Mrak Hall. I have acheived the attainment of the void!
Each day it is that I thank the good lord, my savior Satan, that 99.99% of all staff, and an even higher percentage of gradtards are so completely naive that they can't touch us. Ha ha! At least the proftards have gotten the message beaten into them that my minions are not their friend. They at least leave us alone. So is our sterling reputation maintained! For we are UC and nobody can touch us in our splendor.
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